STANDING at the school gates, I froze with shock as a fellow mum reeled off her PayPal info.
Casual as anything, she had just asked for £5 to cover the cost of a playdate with her five-year-old.
It seemed like the most bizarre thing ever.
It would have never happened at my daughter’s previous school in Folkestone, Kent.
Who would be petty enough to charge parents for a playdate? What was I paying for? Some paint? An apple?
Yet not only did everyone go to the trouble of writing down this mum’s PayPal address, but they acted like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Here you go,” one woman said, while another transferred her the cash without a second thought.
When I told my mates about this mum demanding a fiver from everyone in exchange for a few hours with her kid, they were as shocked as I was.
Nonetheless, I paid up the £5.
Having only moved to the area four months ago, I didn’t want to cause drama and embarrass my daughter.
It wasn’t long before I noticed that nearly every parent in the village did the same.
Sometimes they only asked for £2 or £3.
On one occasion I was asked for £8 to cover the bus fare to the park and the cost of a ride.
A few weeks later, I raised the issue with another local mum when we met for coffee.
I was surprised when she argued that asking for a contribution is the fairest thing to do and that it’s unreasonable to expect someone else to feed and water your kid.
“You have no idea whether another family might be struggling for cash,” she told me.
Suddenly, I realised that this woman had a point.
It’s easy to see how a visit from my daughter’s friends could quickly derail my weekly budget.
Rebecca Tidy
Britain is experiencing a huge cost-of-living crisis and, bearing in mind there’s a massive daily queue for the food bank at our village church, maybe some parents would find the extra expense of a playdate a real challenge.
I’m now ashamed I was so judgmental.
According to recent figures, 4.3million children — 30 per cent of all children in the country — were living in poverty in 2023.
For single-parent households, this increased to 44 per cent.
I’m a 37-year-old single mum and I clock up long hours working to cover my bills.
I plan well ahead to make sure I have enough cash for groceries and other essential living expenses.
It’s easy to see how a visit from my daughter’s friends could quickly derail my weekly budget — so I decided to follow suit.
Sure, I felt awkward the first time I asked for cash. But everyone happily handed it over.
The cost of lunch ingredients soon adds up, while an ice cream at the park is always £1 or £2.
I do a lot of crafting with the kids, too, so I make sure I ask for £3 to cover the price of materials.
But when I posted on Instagram that I now charge for playdates, I ended up deleting it due to the huge backlash I received.
“I bet your child will never get a return playdate,” one commented, while others remarked that it’s selfish to ask for cash and said they wouldn’t want their child to visit my house.
I felt indignant and annoyed.
But on the internet, someone is always going to be offended.
And now, with the kids on their summer holidays, there will be even more playdates to contend with, too.
A Mumsnet thread highlighted this, with one woman saying how it was costing her a three-figure sum every week to feed her son’s mates in the holidays.
They are aged 11 or 12 and eat like horses.
“I’m not sure how to approach it, or what to do,” she said.
“Can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so, what is reasonable? They are often here between 9am and 6pm.”
I don’t have any patience with parents who expect others to pick up the bill for their child.
Rebecca Tidy
It turned out she wasn’t the only one suffering, but I was surprised how many mums still said she shouldn’t charge.
I might have said the same originally, but I’ve seen the light.
It’s just common sense.
Parents who get offended by a request for cash show just how inconsiderate modern society has become.
We’re neglecting to consider the costs of our own actions on others.
These days, I don’t have any patience with parents who expect others to pick up the bill for their child.
There’s no way I’ll stop charging for playdates now — and I’m really grateful to that other mum who inspired my rethink.
As told to: ANNA ROBERTS
