My partner stealthed me after I told him to use a condom
DEAR DEIDRE: My partner ignored me when I explained we could only have sex with protection. Despite my protests he carried on regardless.
He is a man of 37 and I’m 35. We work in the same hospital. I had two ectopic pregnancies in my last relationship and was warned by my doctor not to risk another one.
This colleague seduced me by saying how beautiful I was and said he wanted to marry me. As we became closer he asked me to go on the Pill but I’ve never been able to take it.
He already had two children and said he didn’t want any more. I didn’t want to risk my life so I told him he had to use a condom when we had sex.
We were getting intimate when I reminded him about the condom but he ignored me. I was upset and angry and shouted, “No!” at him, but he continued, finished his business and then stormed off.
I was late for my period after that and terrified I was pregnant but thankfully a pregnancy test was negative.
Now I miss him a lot. I have forgiven him in my heart. I really love him and would love to get married.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to say, but this man raped you. You did not consent to sex without a condom and if anyone says they are wearing one when they are not, or takes one off during sex, it is called stealthing.
Stealthing is seen as rape in the UK and he could go to prison.
This man is not worthy of you. Please reach out for emotional support. There is a lot for you to process, including whether you want to report this man which may stop him doing this to somebody else.
Contact Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk, tel: 0808 802 9999) for advice.
My support pack called Have You Been Raped explains more.
